One of Facebook’s greatest perks is the “Recharge”. Where after 5 years of employment you can take 30 full days of paid time off. You can even extend this by adding an additional 10 days of PTO for 44 calendar days (you can squeeze a few more days if you play your holidays right!). This is by far better than every other FAANG.
Quick Look at all the FAANG recharge offerings as of April 2022:
Facebook: 30 days after 5 years
Apple: Previously offered but no longer
Amazon: Free month of Prime Video
Netflix: N/A
Google: Unpaid only, alternatively they offer a non-profit fellowship option
FAANG Adjacent:
Microsoft: 8 weeks after 10 years
Uber: 4 weeks after 5 years
My Own Failed Recharge
October 2019 was the month I took my recharge. You would think that 30 days off would be a dream. Even more so for someone who writes about early retirement so much. Shouldn’t this be the ultimate test drive of retirement?
Unfortunately my recharge ended up being miserable.
I was originally planning to have a solo week of fly fishing in Montana. I even took some free fly casting classes at the Golden Gate Fly Fishing Society over the summer (these are great btw).
One week out of the four for a solo trip. A solo week felt like such a big deal. My daughter was 1.4 years old at the time and my wife works full time. I had never spent a night away from either of them since our daughter was born, outside the 41 days my daughter spent in the NICU (a story for another day).
I had my partner’s full support. Still, mentally it felt like a monumental ask at the time. It made me nervous and uncomfortable to actually make the plans. Plus her recharge would be just another year away. Could I handle a solo week myself? I was paralyzed by having to make a decision. So instead I didn’t make one. I didn’t plan anything.
But it was October in San Francisco. For 30 days I essentially had a 9-5 job of being able to do anything I wanted. We still had child care during the day so I really had full freedom from between 9-5. Still sounds like a good time right?
I picked up a few books, signed up for a trial at the fanciest equinox gym in the city. Created a rough plan of eating lunch at my favorite restaurants in the city. I was determined to make the best of it.
I would run the mile to the equinox, lift weights, take in a yoga class, and sit in the sauna. Constantly envious of everyone around me. Who are these people who can spend two hours in the gym in the middle of the week, I see them here every day. Why do they deserve this? All the while doing exactly the same thing as them… I still found myself absolutely miserable.
I felt free… but so restricted. Every single step I took along the embarcadero more miserable than the last. Every minute felt like a count down until 5pm and another day of recharge wasted. I have never been unhappier in my life. I was supposed to be feeling recharged, but I just felt even more overwhelmed by everything around me.
I was also miserable to be around. Becoming frustrated by the smallest things. My wife told me she was tired of walking on eggshells at all times around me to avoid doing anything to upset me.
It was around this time I realized something was clearly wrong. Who in their right mind mopes around the city of San Francisco every day for 30 days dreading each and every moment while simultaneously feeling anxious that they are wasting that precious recharge they earned from 5 years of work. This isn’t a normal feeling.
Over the next few months I sort of self imploded. I needed to get things together to make everything feel even possible. It impacted my motivation at work and the built in drive I felt had always been there to push me into the position I was in. I was a senior level manager with managers who reported to me with managers of their own. I expanded my scope across two orgs. Yet I still felt like an imposter at work.
I didn’t want to feel this constant dread anymore.
I finally decided something needed to be done. Something I knew I should have done a long time ago but didn’t want to admit I needed. I was clearly depressed and constantly full of anxiety. It’s not like I didn’t know what depression looked like. Unfortunately I am all too familiar with what severe manic depression can do to someone. Also the knowledge that there is a strong genetic component to mental illnesses.
I always pushed off getting any treatment. The excuse I would often use was “what if I wanted to work for the CIA or some other job that required a security clearance”. Having any type of clinical diagnosis seemed like a guarantee to kill those opportunities. But here is the thing. I didn’t even want those types of jobs. It was just a convenient excuse.
So on March 16th I had my first appointment with a psychiatrist. It was the only time we would ever meet face to face because that was the very first day that lock downs began.
I honestly don’t know if I could have timed it better. All the stresses of lock down, no childcare, everyone remote, peak uncertainty. Just a few months before each day of my recharge felt hopeless and now in the middle of lock down and the entire world in peak panic, I felt on the path to feeling ok.
I waited too long but I feel lucky to have taken steps to deal with this when I did. It was by no means easy… but it didn’t feel insurmountable anymore. Things continued to get better. Every check-in things progressively felt better and more manageable. My resilience, which was something I had always prided, slowly returned. Here I am now. I still have moments that feel overwhelming but now they pass.
FIRE won’t fix stuff like this. Money won’t fix this. Early retirement won’t fix this. Not having a job won’t fix this. A recharge won’t fix this. Ignoring it won’t help.
If any of this sounds like you I would encourage you to look into your options. FAANG employees in particular have a wealth of resources. Meta offers free lyra therapy sessions and great specialty insurance options. You can’t afford not to take care of this.
If you are on the path to FIRE I encourage you to invest in your own mental health the same way you invest in the market. The negative impacts of not doing so unfortunately can compound at a rate that is hard to catch up with.
Thank you for sharing the story so candidly. Glad to hear you got better!